


Just Like Friends Do

by Ellectrix



Series: Ever Since We Were Kids [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Terminal Illnesses, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 19:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16102235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellectrix/pseuds/Ellectrix
Summary: Trying to hide a fatal disease from your best friend is hard.Especially when you're spitting out flowers all over the place.((Separate story from the whole series. A what if scenario to what could've happened if the Hanahaki disease was a thing.))





	Just Like Friends Do

**Author's Note:**

> ((Inspired by multiple songs:  
> Starring Role - Marina & The Diamonds  
> Lonely Hearts Club - Marina & The Diamonds  
> Lies - Marina & The Diamonds  
> I'm A Mess - Bebe Rexha  
> Just A Friend To You - Meghan Trainor  
> Feelings Are Fatal - mxmtoon  
> Fool - cavetown  
> Fools - Troye Sivan  
> Lovely - Billie Eilish  
> How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding  
> Oceans - Seafret  
> Youth - Daughter  
> Stomach It - Crywolf))

The first time he had found out was at the age of fourteen.

The two of them had spent hours on the blonde’s roof before finally deciding to head inside when midnight struck. They had joked and japed like they usually do as they got dressed in their respective pyjamas.

The memories back then had been hazy. But he can remember the exact moment it happened. He remembers how he had debated with himself all night after just discovering what his feelings really meant. All while he laid awake beside his best friend who was sleeping peacefully already. It was already really late into the night at that time.

He remembers the way the moon outside had flooded into the bedroom, a mix of faint amber and silver filling the quiet bedroom. He remembers staring at the outline of his best friend’s back as he slept facing away from him. He remembers the hitch in his breath when he felt the warm he radiated so close to him. Remembers thoughts of what it would be like to just… Reach out and wrap his arms around the sleeping blonde.

Then he remembers the hitch in his breath became light coughing. It wasn’t serious back then. It was strange, sure, but he had brushed it off.

A single red petal coming out of his mouth was nothing to be concerned about. At that time at least.

He had simply thrown it away into the nearby trash bin before pressing his own back against the other and closing his eyes as he pulled the sheets over himself.

 

* * *

 

 

Two years passed by. 

He was sixteen and his best friend was fifteen. The coughing stayed with him but he had been able to hide it easily. After all, back then, it had just been little coughs. A few petals every few days.

Then his best friend got his first girlfriend.

Terezi and Dave had been close from the very beginning. They had met in grade school and quickly formed a steady friendship. The same can be said with the dark haired teen. The three of them had become a classic trio all throughout grade school, almost inseparable.

Back then, whenever he and Dave talked about crushes during one of their sleepovers, he would always answer that it had been Terezi. He thought what he felt for the girl was attraction at that young age.

Of course, he had been happy for his best friend when he found out the news that they had been dating. Although at the first few weeks, Dave relentlessly teased Karkat about being single still despite being older than the blonde. They had laughed together. He had told Dave that he outgrew his crush on Terezi.

He remembers how Dave had shared everything with him. That was what they had always done since they were little children. No secrets were kept between the two of them. Not even the most embarrassing ones. They experienced everything together.

He remembers listening to the blonde go on tangents about the hijinks he and Terezi got up to, much like how he would go on tangents about the stupidest, little things.

The coughing slowly got worse. But he kept it within himself. He still hasn’t perceived it as a threat. But at that point, he was already aware of what was happening to him.

The coughing had started to happen more often. A few petals every few hours or so. But he had thrown away the little red petals, forcing his mind to push the thoughts away. He was going to be happy for his best friend and nothing was going to change his mind about it.

Then, he remembers the day he received an excited phone call from the blonde.

Karkat had been dutifully doing his homework that sunday afternoon- he always left his homework undone until the very last day. A really bad habit of his and every other high school student in existence.

His phone had rung and he had groaned. He had initially decided to ignore it, but seeing that it was from his best friend, he had heaved a sigh despite the smile on his face and answered the phone. “What the fuck do you want, shitstain? This better be fucking good. Good enough that you can justify calling me instead of just texting me because I’m doing my homework right now.”

“Holy shit. Holy _shit,_ dude.” The dark haired teen raised an eyebrow at the out of breath and excited tone of his voice.

“What the shit have you been doing for the past hour, Dave? You sound tired out.”

A bark of laughter from the other side of the call. “I just ran a whole fucking mile, dude. I’m so fucking energized right now, holy shit. I feel like I can run a whole fucking marathon and _win_ right now. _Holy shit_.”

Karkat had rolled his eyes, spinning himself slowly around his desk chair. “Seriously Dave, what is it that you want to tell me that you had to call? I kinda want to get back to my goddamn homework.”

“Okay, okay. Something monumental just fucking happened, dude. Like, _holy shit_. I just had to call you and let you know.”

Another eye roll. “Just fucking out with it, _Elizabeth_.” He had smirked. He always used the other’s middle name to indicate how annoyed he was even though he actually isn’t all that annoyed in the first place.

“Fuck you, dude. I’m too fucking happy to even be insulted by that.” The blonde had quipped back. “Anyway, so…”

“So…?”

“Terezi kissed me.”

He could feel his stomach drop down to the soles of his feet. Silence had settled between them, and Karkat swallowed thickly, fighting to keep his breathing even and keep his voice at a normal pitch.

“Karkat?”

“That’s great, Dave. But seriously, did you have to fucking call me for that?”

“Of course, dude. I mean, this is a big thing, man. I just had my first kiss and you owe five dollars. I told you I could score a kiss waaaaaay before you can.” Karkat had closed his eyes, feeling a stinging sensation in his chest as he imagined Dave practically grinning from ear to ear on the other side of the phone. He took a long steadying breath.

“Alright, fuck face. You’ll get it Monday morning. I seriously have to get back to work now. Bye.” He had pulled the phone away from his ear and dropped the call before the other could even say his own good bye.

He remembered sitting at his desk, staring at the now incomprehensible words printed on his math textbook. He remembered staring for a very, _very,_ long time.

He could feel his heart beating twice it’s normal speed inside his chest. Then it came.

The stinging feeling inside his chest intensified and he started coughing, the noises coming out loud and harsh. He remembers having stood up from his desk and running into the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

He remembers leaning over the toilet, feeling the stinging sensation rise up to his throat as he vomited over the porcelain seat. He remembers watching vibrant red petals and evergreen leaves slowly fall into the water as he clutched his stomach.

He remembers the way the clear liquid was stained red, long inky arms polluting the water.

He had leaned against the toilet at that time, burying his face into his knees as he cried. He doesn’t remember for how he cried. He doesn’t want to remember because it was probably an embarrassingly long time.

It was bound to only be a few more months before it really got bad.

He had successfully hidden it from everyone for as long as he could.

He had kept it hidden for as long as he can because of the stigma for the illness.

The Hanahaki disease is a feared illness and is unfortunately almost as common as the common cold. Especially for people his age. It’s a fatal disease that’s claimed hundreds and thousands of lives. People with it often get pitied and seen as someone to sympathize with. Or they get harshly criticized when the victim refuses the very easy cure for it.

He didn’t want to deal with any of that. So he had kept his illness to himself. But it was bound to happen that his family would find out. In the worst way possible, in his eyes at least.

Karkat had been locking himself more and more in the bathroom. He remembers how his brother had knocked on the door, complaining about how he couldn’t just hog the family bathroom all to himself. He remembers trying his hardest to stay quiet, but he had ended up heaving into the toilet anyway and making the most pitiful noises to ever escape his body. He remembers how his loudmouthed brother, the one who never shuts up for anything or anyone, going quiet on the other side of the door.

“Karkat?” His voice had been soft, so obviously full of concern. He hated it.

He remembers tears stinging his eyes, sobs coming out in intervals between his vomiting. He remembers how the door knob had been jiggled relentlessly and the knocking growing far more persistent and loud. He remembers his brother demanding for him to open the door, but he didn’t.

So Kankri had gotten the key and opened it himself. He remembers refusing to look at his brother’s expression as he sat in front of the toilet, hands clutching each side of the bowl. He remembers feeling the heavy waves of guilt and shame come over him, threatening to drown him. It was already getting harder to breathe as it is.

He remembers how his brother had knelt down beside him and pulled him into a warm embrace. He remembers crying harder than before, clutching the other’s red sweater in his hands tightly. He remembers how caring and comforting Kankri had been. Something he didn’t think the preachy seventeen-year-old was capable of.

Kankri had convinced Karkat to tell their father about it. He didn’t want to tell his family because it’s only been a year since their mother had passed away. His father didn’t need the knowledge that his youngest son was suffering from a fatal disease that could cause death.

But they had told him anyway.

He remembers being unable to look his father in the eye. He remembers tearing up at the sound of his broken voice as he asked Karkat why he had kept something this big all to himself, especially for this long. When the disease was beginning to get really bad.

They had all decided to take Karkat to the hospital as soon as possible, despite his protests. He didn’t want his friends finding out and had made both his brother and father swear to keep the fact that he has the disease a secret. That the information of his sickness was to never leave the house. Ever.

Karkat continued to go to school under the condition that he had to regularly see a doctor to look for treatments to the disease that doesn’t involve surgery. Yet.

He would miss school every other week and have blamed it on bellyaches, migraines, the flu, fevers and other much more tolerable sicknesses. His friends didn’t question it but he could tell that some of them were getting suspicious and or concerned. Between his constant need to excuse himself from social situations to hack up flowers in the bathroom and the fact that he’s slowly missing more and more days from school, it was bound to look suspicious to others. Even more so when he’s permanently excused from having to do gym or any physical activity due to his growing struggle to breathe normally.

He remembers the last time he had a sleepover at the Strider’s. He had ended up coughing up blood and petals into the blonde’s bathroom at midnight while the other was sleeping peacefully. He remembers the aching for how it used to be between him. How it was before the disease. At the time, he didn’t realize it would be the last time the two of them would be close, doing things the just like friends do.

He should’ve cherished it more.

He remembers how silence had settled between him and his best friend after they got into an argument, with the blonde insisting that the other was hiding something from him- something they never did to each other.

They grew more and more distant by the day.

More specifically, _he_ grew more and more distant from his friends. He began to slowly shut everyone out of his life.

He remembers downing dozens of different kinds of drugs and pills, all in varying sizes and colours. They were supposed to slow down the progression of the invasive disease, and for a while, it worked. But like every other doctor, they went to, it wouldn’t last very long before it’ll be painfully hard for him to breathe.

He remembers going for x-ray scans to see just how much the disease has taken over his lungs.

He had been terrified of the results.

He remembers seeing the black and white picture of his ribs and lungs. He vividly remembers the thorn filled vines wrapping around his organs. He remembers the flowers and leaves slowly blooming in between the bones of his ribcage.

He remembers hearing his father cry in the waiting room with his brother trying to comfort him; a scene he wasn’t supposed to see.

It was only days after that when he stopped going to school completely.

It was just getting far too hard for him to breathe. Every breath felt like a thousand little pins pricking his chest and the number of petals he coughed up increased. To the point that he almost coughed up full flowers out of his mouth. It got so bad to the point that he just couldn’t breathe without assistance from a machine.

Still, he didn’t want anyone else knowing. But it was bound to happen anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Karkat had been missing school for a solid week now. 

He had visited the Vantas residence on the fourth day the dark haired teen was absent. Only to be told that his best friend had apparently spontaneously decided to leave to be with some other relative and go to a different school in some other state because he supposedly ‘just couldn’t handle all of the memories at his home with his mother’.

Dave thought it was a bullshit excuse. Especially with the fact that Karkat never said goodbye to any of them. Something he refused to believe his best friend would do. He was sure there was something more going on.

“Maybe it’s true. He has been shutting each of us out in recent events. Maybe you should just accept it and move on.” John had told the blonde when he told the brunette about his thoughts on Karkat’s sudden disappearance. He wouldn’t just walk out on him like that. He wouldn’t.

“Even though that may not be the real reason he left, I still think it’s a high possibility that that's exactly what happened. Although the action may be bizzare and out of character for Karkat, can you put forth a better explanation for his disappearance?” Kanaya had said to him when he told her about his thoughts. He thought that she of all people would agree that there was something more happening here.

“I think you’re just in denial, Dave. I know a loss such as this can be hard to accept, even though the person in question didn’t exactly pass away permanently. And I get it. You’re allowed to grieve his disappearance. I’ll be here with you through your journey through the five stages of grief.” Is what Rose had told him. Although she probably tried her best to sound comforting and understanding, he couldn’t help but interpret it as something condescending. He wasn’t fucking grieving.

“I don’t know. I honestly _don’t know_. I mean, I know he wouldn’t just walk out of our lives like this. But at the same time, he has been acting differently and strangely in the past few months. I don’t know what happened or what changed, but maybe…”

He had told Terezi what he thought and after all of the responses he got from the rest of his friends, he honestly expected his reaction; grim acceptance. “Maybe what?”

The blind girl shifted in her seat uncomfortably. They’re in the cafeteria currently, sitting away from their friend group, something they occasionally did when they wanted some privacy of their own.

“I mean… This is just my own crackpot theory but… Do you think it could have something to do with us?”

Dave had raised an eyebrow, not fully understanding what the Pyrope girl was trying to communicate. “Elaborate?”

“I mean… You did say that he used to have a long time crush on me, right?” Terezi sighed, playing with her microwavable mac cheese. Dave slowly nodded. “And I know he told you that he was over me, right?”

“Yeah…? What about it?” Terezi frowned at the blonde, seemingly getting annoyed with his lack of understanding.

“I mean, what if he was lying, Dave? What if he wasn’t over me?”

Realization seemed to dawn on him and he felt dread settle in the pit of his stomach. “What exactly are you trying to say, Terezi?”

The blind girl bit her lip and continued to roll her food around with her plastic fork. “Do you really want me to say it out loud?”

Dave frowned, crossing his arms and leaning back into his plastic chair. “No. Impossible. He can’t be. He _can’t_ be.”

Terezi lets out an explosive sigh, sagging in her seat. “Look, I know it’s a really terrible theory, much darker and grim than the actual reason we were given but… It makes sense, doesn’t it? We both know Karkat, Dave. He wouldn’t just up and leave without a warning.”

The dread continued to grow in his stomach, slowly spreading throughout his body. The more he thought about it, the more it _did_ make sense. The way Karkat’s been secretive lately, even to him. The way he’s been missing school days and the way he keeps making excuses to go to the bathroom. Even more so with the fact that he was allowed to skip gym under some ‘special circumstance regarding health’ and how he’s been pushing people away.

It made painful sense.

“As you said, he wouldn’t just leave.” Terezi continued. “What else could it be? Karkat’s not the type to let his emotional turmoil take over his life to the point that he’d do something as rash like this. At least, I don’t think so. Plus, it’s known to only get worse when the feelings grow stronger. So with how we’ve been together for a while, it's not a very far-fetched theory. He cares so much about us. About his friends. He’d rather blame himself over every little problem rather than anyone else. Even if it’s so painfully obvious that he’s got nothing to do with the problem in the first place. He probably asked his dad and his brother to keep it a secret too.”

 _It made painful sense_.

The blonde swallowed thickly, unable to answer Terezi after that. His mind swirled with all sorts of thoughts. But the most prominent one was that _he had to see him_. He had to see him no matter what.

The rest of the lunch period was spent in quiet silence between the two of them as they both let this idea sink into their heads.

As soon as school was over, the blonde had practically run home. A little out of breath, he stood in the Vantas residence again, on their porch and right outside the little white door. He stared at the doorbell, heart hammering inside his chest.

This was it. This was going to confirm whether or not what Terezi was saying could be true. And he didn’t know whether he wanted to know or not.

But after awhile, he decided that it didn’t matter whether he wanted to know or not. He _had_ to know.

With a deep breath, Dave lifted his hand and rang the doorbell, listening to the tune it made. It wasn’t long before Karkat’s dad answered the door, seemingly unsurprised to see the Strider at their front steps.

“Dave-"

But before the older man could get a word out, Dave cut him off.

“Is Karkat sick?”

The man heaved a sigh. He looked exhausted like he hasn’t gotten any sleep in the past few days. “No, he’s not sick. I told you what happened-"

“No- no. I mean. Is he sick, _sick?_ I’m not just talking about fevers and the flu, Mr. Vantas. Is he _sick_?”

The older man seemed surprised by this before averting his warm grey eyes, so much like Karkat’s. Dread dropped into him like a five-ton weight and he could feel his muscles tense.

“I think you should come in.” The older man simply said, stepping aside to let the other inside. This only solidified the growing terror growing in the blonde’s stomach.

He nervously ran his fingers through his hair as he entered, kicking his shoes off and setting his backpack beside it. The house felt so much more barren and haunting without Karkat inside it. He and his mother had always been the lively ones of the family, always loud and making noise and generally making the house actually feel like a _home_.

“Take a seat.” Mr. Vantas had offered, gesturing to the couches in the living room. Dave took a seat, sinking into the leather. “Do you want some water?”

Dave shook his head, licking his lips nervously. “I just want answers.”

The older man nodded solemnly and took a seat opposite of the blonde. He ran his hands through his dark hair before speaking. “To answer your previous question… Yes. Yes, Karkat’s sick. He’s… He’s in the hospital right now.”

Dave’s whole mouth suddenly felt dry and he wished he did take the offer of the water. “Sick with what?” He could feel his mouth move, but everything else felt numb and cold. He could barely hear his own voice inside his head but the older man seemed to understand.

“Hanahaki disease.” He had said grimly, staring at the floorboards and roughly ruffling his hair with his hand again.

He felt as if his heart actually stopped at that moment. He felt like there was something lodged in his throat and he couldn’t bring himself to say a word, much less make a single noise. He felt frozen in place as a storm of emotions ran through him all at once. He couldn’t accurately pinpoint how exactly he felt about the entire thing.

“He didn’t want any of his friends finding out, especially not you. He didn’t want them worrying and pitying him.” The older man simply continued.

“Do you know who he’s in love with?” The words had left his lips before he could even think about it.

The older man bit his lip, once again avoiding eye contact. “No. He refuses to tell us.”

Dave gritted his teeth, letting out a quiet hiss. He didn’t realize how hard he’s been clenching his hand into a fist until his palm started to hurt. He looked down at the crescent moon shaped indents his fingernails left. “Can I see him?”

The other man seemed to think this idea through for a while before finally nodding.

The two of them hopped inside the car and Mr. Vantas drove the blonde all the way to the closest hospital near the end of town. They had registered in and the older man walked him down the immaculate white hallways and up a few floors.

Dread and terror absolutely gripped the blonde when they walked into the intensive care unit.

They stopped at a pale blue door marked four thirteen at the top. Kankri, who was sitting on one of the chairs outside of the room, seemed surprised to see the blonde and shot his father a questioning. The older man simply shrugged.

The older man put a hand on the knob before turning to Dave. He cleared his throat. “Just… He’s really not in great condition. Just a warning before you go in.” Fear was sounding alarm bells inside his head and he desperately didn’t want to see his friend in such a… _Terrible_ state (understatement of the year). He wasn’t ready. He doesn’t think he’d ever be ready for something like this.

But he’s gotten himself this far. No turning back now.

Dave nodded and the older man twisted the knob and pushed it open for the blonde to walk in.

His breath got caught in his throat and suddenly, he was finding it hard to breathe himself. He vaguely wondered how it must be for the person he calls his best friend.

He really wasn’t ready to see this.

Dave took shaky steps inside the room, his lungs filling with the sterile scent of the hospital room. He faintly heard the door click behind him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to take a step closer.

The dark haired teen was fast asleep. Whether it’s naturally or anesthesia induced, he has no idea. He looked so peaceful, like how he usually would when he’s asleep. But the environment that surrounded him was something straight out of his worst nightmares.

The boy was lying down on a bed, a few red petals decorating the thin white sheets covering his body. A small trash can underneath the bed was clearly overflowing with flowers and petals. His skin seemed paler than usual. Tubes and wires were sticking out of his body and the constant hum of the heart monitor was deafening to Dave’s ears. The worst of all was probably the mechanical ventilator attached directly to his throat.

The blonde wasn’t even aware when he’d started crying, but apparently, he was.

How ignorant did he have to be not to notice his best friend going through so much pain right beside him? The answer was apparently very. Deep guilt and sadness washed over him, but once those passed, anger slowly rose inside him.

He can’t believe that Karkat just expected to let all of his friends stay clueless about this. _Especially_ him. It was a selfish, narcissistic thought, but he can’t help but feel betrayed by how long he’s kept it a secret from Dave. So long that’s gotten this bad. All he can think about is _why didn’t he ever tell me?_

But that was an easy answer. Knowing Karkat, he knew that the other would start blaming himself- a habit both of them often participated in. Especially when he’s the apparent cause of all of this in the first place by dating Terezi. A new wave of guilt overwhelmed him and he found himself sitting on the cold floor when his knees ultimately buckled underneath him. He had shoved his shades off his face at that point and was now loosely hanging around his neck.

He wasn’t aware of just how loud he was being with his crying, but apparently, he was loud enough to wake up the patient on the bed.

“Dave…?” Though the voice was soft, he had heard it loud and clear. Dave’s head snapped to attention, wide eyes staring at the form lying on the bed. Karkat’s eyes were half lidded as he stared at the other in the room.

He found that his throat was all clogged up again and he couldn’t bring himself to say a word. He simply stared, gawking at the other like he had grown a second head.

“What are you doing here…? You’re…. You're not supposed to be here.” His voice was so clearly weak and it broke Dave’s heart to hear it.

Somehow, he found the strength to stand up and take shaky steps closer to the other to hear him better. “I’m here to visit your dumbass self, isn’t it obvious?” He had whispered, sniffling and wiping at his face.

“You weren’t supposed to know.” The dark haired teen simply stated, dull grey eyes meeting striking scarlet.

The anger from before flared up inside of him again. “And why the fuck not?” He gritted his teeth when his voice cracked at the middle of the sentence. “Why the _fuck_ not, Karkat? Why- _Why_ would you keep something like this shit a fucking secret from everyone?! _From me?!_ Did you just think that you could go through this shit and come back like nothing ever _happened_?”

The dark haired teen averted his gaze as he began a fit of coughing, more red petals falling from his lips. Karkat had grabbed some tissues from the table beside him and wiped away the blood at the corners of his mouth. Guilt ate up the blonde once more at the sight.

“That’s the problem.” The other had simply mumbled when he was finished coughing. “I don’t plan on coming back.”

The blonde stood there, dumbfounded for a long moment. He frowned, screwing up his face. “What do you mean ‘ _I_ _don't plan on coming back_ ’?”

But the other stayed silent, keeping his eyes away from Dave. It honestly took longer than it should’ve for the blonde to figure out what the other was saying because _he’s never even fucking thought of it as an option_. He narrowed his eyes at his best friend, a deep anger anchoring itself inside his chest. And maybe a little fear. But he focused on the anger, afraid of how much damage that fear would wreck on him.

“Are you _really_ fucking suggesting _dying?_ Seriously?” Dave had barked out a bitter laugh, hoping that he was actually wrong and the other would call him a dumbass and correct him. But Karkat never does. He just continued to stare determinedly at the other wall across from him. Dave felt his throat close up again.

“You don’t plan on getting a surgery?” He had managed to whisper, the fear steadily growing inside of him. He felt like his insides were just turned inside and out.

Karkat simply gave a curt nod.

Dave swallowed thickly, moving away from the other to take a seat on a nearby chair and burying both hands into his hair. “So. Let me get this straight.” He continued to speak, rubbing his eyes roughly with the heels of his hand. “You planned on never fucking _telling_ any of us about your condition, _hoping that you can die without any of us finding out?_ ”

There was a long stretch of silence, the beeping of the heart monitor sounding almost as loud as waterfalls to the blonde. It was an unbearable noise.

“Isn’t it best if you just think I’m alive somewhere else, even if you’ll never see me again? You don’t have to grieve over me. You can just continue to live normally and happily.” Wow. Dave really didn’t think he had the energy left to be mad but apparently, Karkat was proving him wrong. His emotions are just a swinging pendulum, torn between two extremes. Fear and anger.

“How _fucking_ _dare_ you _ever_ think that’s an okay thing to do? How fucking _dare_ you think we care so fucking little of you. That is the single most insulting thing I’ve ever heard come from you, Karkat.” The blonde whispered, biting his every word and spitting out as much venom as he can in his tone of voice. He looked up from the floor to openly glare at the other now. He is absolutely _seething_ at this point. “Do you honestly fucking think that we care so fucking little of you that we wouldn’t at some point think to ever look for you? That we wouldn’t at _some_ point find out that you apparently fucking _died_ and had the guts to _lie_ about it because you didn’t want any of us to _grieve?_ Do you understand how fucking _horrible_ that would be? Just one day finding out that you’ve been living a fucking lie this entire time and have guilt eat you up because you _never_ fucking _noticed_ that someone you really care about had been under so much goddamn _pain_? How _dare_ you take something this fucking crucial away from us? Do you understand how fucking _selfish_ that is? Have you ever thought about how Kanaya would react? How Terezi would react? How _I_ would react? That you just suddenly fucking disappeared without a word or ever saying goodbye or letting us say goodbye? Do you understand how much that would _destroy me?_ ”

Karkat flinched at the words and Dave found himself feeling happy about this. _Good._ _Let him understand the severity of the actions he’s taking._

“What about you, Dave?” The other mumbled, turning his head to finally look at the other, tears in his eyes and the blonde found his heart stopping. “Do you really want to just sit around and watch me fucking _die?_ Is that really a better fucking alternative?”

“That’s the thing, Karkat! You don’t have to fucking _die_. Why is that even a fucking option when there’s a perfectly guaranteed treatment to take care of all of this?” Dave had found himself standing again, gesticulating around wildly.

“Because _I don’t want to fucking lose the feelings I have for the stupid idiot I’m in love with!_ ” His voice was rough and raspy, and it clearly takes him a lot of effort to raise his voice like this.

Dave lets out a loud frustrated growl, roughly messing up his hair and pacing about the room. The dark haired teen sat stubbornly in his bed, looking away.

“So you’d really actually fucking die for this person, huh?”

“Yes.”

Dave blows out a breath of air. “You’d really leave me, and everyone else, for this person?” All the fight has been diminished from the blonde at this point. Karkat simply stayed silent and Dave took that silence as a yes.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Then, wordlessly, he moved to the door and left the room, never looking back even once.

 

* * *

 

 

The dark haired teen spent the night coughing up blood and petals and crying. He had just utterly destroyed the one relationship he had been trying to keep together this whole time 

The rest of the day after Dave left had been just his father and brother still trying to convince him into doing the surgery, but he refuses every time. Why he’s doing this, he doesn’t fucking understand himself. But he just can’t seem to let go. And maybe there’s also the paranoia that after he’s had it, he wouldn’t ever feel the same for the blonde again and that would change everything between them. He liked how it is. How it was.

But since that’s all gone to hell, he guesses he doesn’t really have much else to go back to. If he does ever have the procedure and go back, he’d only alienate the rest of his friends with how he’s lied about it for so long.

He only knew it was night time when the nurse had come in to give him a shot of anesthesia and sleeping pills to help him sleep. Most of the time, the pain in his chest hinders him from really relaxing enough to get some sleep. But he’s been utterly exhausted from the whole day that the pain seemed to dull and he found it easier to sleep.

Karkat didn’t really think he’d ever see Dave again after their argument yesterday. But when he did finally wake up from the dark depths of sleep, he found the blonde sitting patiently on a chair beside his bed. He felt his heart painfully seize inside his chest and he couldn’t help the small twinge of hope light up inside him.

“What’re you still doing here?” He didn’t mean to sound bitter, but it had come out that way anyway. “I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

“I never said that, dumbass.” The blonde murmured in reply. He looked tired, his blonde hair a mess on his head.

“I thought that was implied when you said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’” The blonde simply made a quiet hum noise in acknowledgement of what he said. “So, why the hell are you still here?”

“I’m not letting you die.” He had said so casually that it almost pulls a laugh out of him if laughing didn’t hurt like a bitch.

“And how exactly do you plan on doing that, cool kid? Do you have some sort of miracle cure that could take away the garden growing in my lungs?”

“I broke up with Terezi.”

That catches the dark haired teen’s attention. “Why the hell did you do that?”

Dave shrugged. “You like her, right? _Love_ her. So I ended things with her. She’s outside right now whenever you want to see her.”

Karkat groaned, closing his eyes tightly. “Dave, you’re a fucking ginormous fuck up.” He mumbled under his breath. “How the fuck is that supposed to fucking help me? I can’t just _guilt_ her into falling in love with me, shit for brains.”

Again, Dave shrugged. “It’s worth a try anyways, right? As I said, I don’t intend to let you die.”

Karkat gritted his teeth together. He was getting annoyed real fast. “Why the fuck not, Strider?”

“You’re my best friend. I can’t handle to lose you, okay? We’ve been together for fifteen years. As fucked up as it is for me to say it, my relationship with you is much more important to me than any short term endeavours I might have.” _Best friend_. It’s like a thorn in his heart. In this case, it literally is a thorn in his chest that keeps on hurting him every time of the day lately.

“It’s never going to work.”

“Why not? Don’t knock it till you try it.”

Karkat closed his eyes, gritting his teeth together. He hated how fucking casual and nonchalant Dave was being right now. “Dave, it’s never going to work, okay? Just leave me alone already. Less painful for both of us.”

“No.”

The dark haired male opened an eye, narrowing it at the blonde. “No?”

“No.” He repeated more firmly, leaning back into his seat and crossing his arms. “I’m not letting you die. No.”

Karkat let out a long suffering sigh. “Dave. You can’t just cure me out of fucking sheer determination alone. Just… Go. You’ve already seen enough of my sick body to last you a lifetime.”

The blonde frowned at him. “What makes her so much important to you than me? Or your family?” The question caught Karkat off guard and he opens both eyes to stare into crimson red orbs.

“What?”

Dave visibly works his jaw. “What makes Terezi so important to you that you’d literally rather fucking die than going on without her?”

It’s Karkat’s turn to frown. “You’re the one assuming it’s her I’m in love with.”

This gets the blonde to stare dumbly at the other. “What?” This is a really stupid conversation, Karkat concludes.

“I never said I was in love with her. You’re the one assuming shit. As I said, it’d never work because I’m not in love with her.”

The blonde simply continued to stare dumbly at him. “ _What?_ ”

Now he was getting frustrated. “Dave, I was never in love with Terezi. I only said I liked her to you because you kept asking about who I liked and refused to believe me when I said I didn’t have a crush.”

“ _Then who the fuck are you in love with?_ ”

Again, Karkat would laugh at how fucking stupid this whole thing is if it didn’t hurt like a bitch to laugh. Or breathe in general.

“You should’ve figured it out at this point. I can’t believe you still haven’t.”

The dark haired teen relished watching all the pieces click in Dave’s face. But it was a short term happiness since the fact that he had actually just confessed fully sank in his mind. He swallowed thickly, looking away.

“So…” Dave started. “I… Caused this, didn’t I?”

There it was. The self-blame train was pulling into the station. Karkat closed his eyes again. “Dave, you literally have no power over this whole situation. Nor do I. _Shit just happens_. And we have to learn to deal with them.”

“But it still means I can do something about this, right?”

Karkat snapped his eyes open at that. He didn't expect to hear that, he fully expected the other to fight him on why this is his fault and rant at him about how stupid he was for wanting to keep his feelings even if killed him. But before he knew it, the blonde has his lips pressed up against his. For a single shining moment, he felt like he could breathe normally again without being in enormous amounts of pain.

Then it felt like a knife cutting him open. His breath hitched and tears immediately fell from his eyes as he pushed the other away. “ _I don’t want your fucking pity, Dave._ ”

But the other had simply wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly and he couldn’t find it in himself to push him away a second time when this is what he’s wanted for so long. “I said I’m not letting you fucking die. I can’t. I'm  _not_ losing you, Karkat. So just let me fucking love you, okay? I’m not pitying you, dipshit. I’m saving you.”

He had held onto the other and cried, his sobs muffled by the blonde as he kissed him in a way he’s always wanted to be kissed.

It’s everything he had hoped and dreamt of. Everything and more.

 

* * *

 

 

The recovery process takes a longer time than actually catching the disease. But the vines and flowers did slowly start to recede with time and it wasn’t long before the dark haired male could breathe normally again without the assistance of the breathing tube. Every time he went for an x-ray scan, they found less and fewer flowers growing in his lungs. 

Still, Karkat didn’t want the rest of his friends to know what had happened and only Terezi and Dave visited him along with his family. The blonde ironically brought the other flowers every time he visited (which was almost daily), only for it to get shoved back into his face and be told that he’s an insensitive bastard by Karkat. The three of them had laughed about it though.

After a few long weeks, Karkat was finally discharged from the hospital. Although, he was still supposed to stay home and take things easy for a couple more weeks before he’s allowed to go back to school.

Again, Dave visited him as often as he could. He spent most of the time catching the other up on what’s been happening at school and their friends recently. They also talked about what they were going to say when Karkat did finally go back and the blonde got to convince the other that it would be best to just tell the truth. But aside from those talks, an awkward silence always settled in between the two.

They’ve been dancing around the topic, both trying to put off having to actually talk about it. But with the way the dark haired teen has been recovering, it was pretty obvious already. Still, doubt lingered in his mind and one day, he just couldn’t keep silent about it any longer.

“What are we?” The question had been vague and innocent enough but both understood the underlying meaning beneath the simple words.

The blonde had shrugged as he sat at the foot of the other’s bed. Karkat’s dad had strictly told him to just stay on the bed and rest even though the teen insisted that he’s feeling much better than before.

“I’m not sure.”

Karkat shifted around on his bed uncomfortably, playing with the sheets of his bed. He worried his lower lip, unsure how else to proceed.

“What do you want us to be?” Dave had inquired back and their gazes met for a split second before both averted their eyes, feeling strangely embarrassed and shy around one another. Karkat swallowed thickly.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled, staring at his fingers slowly pull at the loose string of the blanket. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Well… You still… You still have feelings for me right?”

“That’s a stupid question. What does it fucking look like? I never had the surgery done so the answer would be yes.”

“If my question was stupid because it’s apparently so obvious, your own question is also stupid by default.” Strider had quipped back, crossing his arms.

“What the fuck are you talking about? How is it stupid? It’s a perfectly logical question considering… Considering out circumstance.”

“Like you said. You didn’t have the surgery done and you’re still healing anyway. What does it fucking look like, Vantas?” The dark haired teen’s eyes flitted up to meet his friend’s, his heart skipping a beat at the familiar confident smirk on his face.

Karkat bit his lip and lets out a frustrated noise. “That still doesn’t answer my fucking question, shitstain.”

Dave raised an eyebrow. “Do you really want me to spell it out for you? What are you, a kindergartener?”

“Oh, _har, har_ , that’s such a fucking original insult. Great fucking job, Dave, you win the award of the most original insult to ever be created in the whole of creation, ever. I’ve never been so offended before. You’ve won it. You’ve won all the insult awards. It is you.” The other had rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Alright. Since this is apparently so fucking hard to understand it’s practically comparable to college level calculus as a math major, let me fucking tutor you, Mr. Vantas.” The blonde had scooted closer to the other without him noticing because he’s too busy rolling his eyes again.

“Please, fucking _enlighten_ me, professor Stri- _mmf!_ ” The dark haired teen had begun to retort back when he was cut short by the other with a well-placed kiss on his lips.

Karkat had frozen up for a moment, eyes wide, before he slowly melted into it, eyes fluttering closed.

It wasn’t like the desperate, needy, and sloppy kiss they had last time almost two months ago. It was slow and warm and he had shied away when the other licked his lower lip. But he had opened his mouth for the other to enter anyway.

He remembers clearly tasting apples in his mouth and finding himself unsurprised. He simply found it more endearing than anything else.

They were both a little breathless when they did finally pull away, Karkat clenching around his blanket until his knuckles turned white. His ears and whole face was burning.

“Sorry, Karks. Looks like you failed your test. I’m gonna need to tutor you more. When are you next available in your schedule? This could take a while.”

“I’m free right now.”

The blonde had smiled at him cheekily and pressed his lips against his once again.

 

* * *

 

 

As expected, his friends weren’t too pleased with the kind of information he held back from them. He had gotten a few scalding words from a few of them and he deserved every single one of them. He made Kanaya cry after telling her after all. Rose might’ve slapped him for it. It was okay though, she hugged him right after and called him ‘a big dummy head’. Dave hasn’t stopped calling him that for the past few weeks. 

But eventually, life slowly returned to its normalcy.

He was a regular sixteen years old again, walking to and from school with his friends, laughing and chatting and loving life like he’s never before.

His favourite part was probably his best friend.

They had continued doing things as normal friends do. Watching shitty movies, distracting each other when they should be doing homework, playing video games, a bunch of other things.

But his most favourite part, something normal friends did not do, was kiss. One of the few things to change between them. The best possible change, in Karkat’s eyes.

His favourite was probably when Dave would randomly shout “Pop quiz!” at him before lunging at him and kissing him until they eventually just forget what they were doing in the first place and end up making-out whenever they were.

This usually happened on the couch when they were playing video games and Dave was losing a game.

He didn’t mind though. It was a very effective distraction he openly welcomed.

He’s never been able to breathe as easily as he did in those moments.

 

* * *

 

 

“You made flowers grow in my lungs and although they are beautiful, I can’t breathe.” 

It’s the most famous poetic description of the disease. It paints a pretty depiction of the destruction it causes within its victims. But he’s found words to add to the line of poetry. One with a more hopeful ending.

“But you had strolled through my garden, plucked the prettiest of them from between my ribs, and arranged them into a pretty bouquet. All to give them to me.

All to help me breathe again.”


End file.
